Let's have some fun, this beat is sick.

So I realized I haven't written here in a while so I guess I'll give an update. School's going much better except Math and English. I R MATH and Mrs. O are probably the two worst teachers I've ever had in my life. Blah. I have the most amazing friends in the world. I don't have a boyfriend just yet but I've had my eye on someone the past week. I can't wait to go back to school to see him and hopefully things will develop. The softball season is a huge fail at the moment. We haven't had a win yet. I'm sick of putting my heart and soul into the game and getting nothing back. Personally, I play well but the younger girls still have so much to learn. It's frusterating but being being a captain, I am patient with the girls and I try to help them as much as I can. I eat, sleep, and breathe softball. I can't believe I'm going to be working as a nurse in three years. My life seems to be flying by way too quickly but it's very, very exciting. I recently started playing World of Warcraft and I really enjoy it. I can't believe Jim and I fought so much. So many arguements that didn't have to take place. But that's the past now and I'm looking ahead to the future and hot damn, is it bright.

Peace and Love,
Katy

PS. Hi, Ren!

Take my hand, I'll be everything to you.

Too much to write about you. But I'm going to try anyways. If there is a God up there, he's been listening to my prayers. He's given me someone who's perfect in every single way. There's so much to love about you. How sweet you are. And adorable. I love how you call me gorgeous and baby. I love the way my heart skips a beat when I think about you. I love the intense butterflies I get. I can't wait for the day when I can just lay with you and just.. Be happy with each other. I mean, we are now but I can't wait to actually be with you. Look at us now. Imagine our future. I adore everything about you. I can't find anything that bothers me about you. You're just.. There isn't enough words to describe how I feel about you. I remember like, the second night I talked to you. It was the night where I had to put my dog down. You were a stranger but you were there for me. That meant so much to me. You mean alot to me. When we meet, I'll never be able to let go. You're everything I want and more. Please don't give up on this <3

renaissance, wiedergeburt, rinascita, renacimiento

Rebirth.
Some people don't realize how precious the gift of life is. One of those people is me. Or was me, I should say. God put human beings on this planet for a purpose. If that purpose was to screw up, so be it. But when you screw up, you will be born again, cleanse yourself, a rebirth. My views have been changed this weekend, and hell it's for the better. I pledge to stay edge. I can't abuse poison. I cried signing the pledge paper. I cried lighting my candle. I cried watching other people crying over theirs. Life is precious and should be treated like glass.
Peace and so so so much Love,
Katy

Soon the rain will wash away the sun.

I'm alone.
So, so alone.
I'm eating all the time. I'm sitting in my room crying all the time. I see life as a black and white haze. Not the beautiful picture I saw in the past. ADD is worse. OCD is worse. I feel the fucking need to talk to myself because I feel like no one cares. I need someone more than ever. I miss being held. And kissed. And I miss the feeling of having that one person to confide in. I miss having someone to keep all my darkest secrets and not judge me for them. I feel like I'm keeping so many secrets from the world. There's so much I haven't told. I wish I could. I really do. I feel like people will judge me and I can't be myself. I want to be Katy. Not the weird scary emo kid. I'm not weird or scary. I just want someone to love me. Is that too much to ask for? Really now is it? I want someone so sensitive, I'll make him cry telling him how much I love him.
Peace and Love,
-Katy

Don't get lost in heaven.

"Don't get lost in heaven."
Oh but I did.
I got lost. I'm so lost. Let me describe my surroundings. Darkness everywhere. Cold. Damp. But, there's one single light but it's so far away. It's been like this for a month. The light has been my salvation. It's been there for me when I needed it when the sun hasn't come out. The sun hasn't come out it a few months now. I've been waiting for so long. Last night made me realize it probably won't come back. The light has been getting bigger. Maybe it's a new sun. Well, not new because.. well.. the light has been in my life before. I think it's coming back now. I hope so. I really loved that light. Concidering the sun hasn't been here in a while, I lost hope and focused on the light that continues to grow. If that makes any sense to you.
Which it probably doesn't but that's okay. Cause I know what it means.
I want the sun to come back :(
Peace and Love,
Katy

I hate this song because it was written for you.
I feel like I'm one of those mice in the maze. And they have to find the cheese. But in the end, there really is no cheese. They're just searching. They are always searching. Just like me. I am always searching. Not for the cheese but for you know, something. I feel like I'll be in this maze forever and I'm never getting out.

I'm falling from such great heights.

I know you don't mean to be mean. I know you have good intentions. I know you do. But deep down inside, I just feel like you don't care about me. I feel like you have priorities higher than me. I just... I don't know anymore. I'm scared. I'm scared of the future. Maybe this is the drowning I've been asking for. I know you love me. But are you in love with me? I don't want to talk about it on the phone. I don't want to talk about it in person. Or on AIM. I want to read it and see it and take it in and over-analyze every fucking word you put down on that paper. I want to know what you're feeling. You never tell me your feelings. I just want to know your emotion. I want to know how you work. I wish you were a doll that I could just take apart and see what's happening inside. Actually, I wish you'd just tell me. I want to scream at the top of my lungs "TRUST ME!" I tell you everything about me. When I'm in a bad mood, I let you know it. When I'm happy as hell, I let you know it. I wish you'd do the same. You worry me. I'm always worried about you. It drives me crazy because I'm always reading your words wrong. You're so amazing and you mean the world to me. I love you deeply. You are my everything. I just don't think you understand. I have no one else this close to me.
Peace and Love,
Katy

She's lost control.

So I'm looking back to summer '07.
I miss my old group of friends. I miss how there wasn't a care in the world. I miss being friends with Truehart. I don't know what in the hell happened to us. I miss him as my big brother and even his "sugar cube teeth". I miss the "I LOVE MIKE TRUEHART" group on myspace. High school isn't the same anymore. I have no sophomores to talk to except Sarah, Marg, Alyssa, and Callie. I'm tired of just hopping onto cliques and then letting go after a few weeks. Grant's going to be gone after this summer. My bestest buddy Grant :( The boy who I "fucked in the back of a van." That was SUCH bull shit. But really funny because the only time I've been in his van was with Jim. Was this a threesome that I did not know about? What a sexy threesome that woulda been ;]
Anyways...
I'm glad Brianna and I have gotten back to best friend status. That girl is just my rock. We've been best friends since 8th grade and have been through SO much together. We've called each other the worst names POSSIBLE. We've laughed, cried, saw our second favorite band together. -sigh- It's nice.
I'm bittersweet about losing other friends though. Maybe it was for the best? -shrug-
Today's Jim's birthday. Seventeen... dayummmm. Nigga stole my bike, yes? Ha ha. I love that boy.
I've been listening to like, 80's goth synth pop. Like the Cure and Joy Division. And let's add Duran Duran into the mix there.
This blog has been kinda random. But that's me, I guess.
Peace and Love,
Katy